Merry Christmas

It really happned! Christmas came again right on schedule. My house is now a sea of wrapping paper, boxes and those evil little twistie ties that keep the toys GLUED to their boxes. The most common phrase today was, "I need the scissors!" I never thought I would broadcast my messy house, but I thought I would share our moment with you.

I love the "After-Christmas" feeling. All that planning, wrapping, shopping and just dreaming comes to an accomplished end. The children are all on their "Toy-High" and parents can finally just sit and relax and take it all in.

Merry Christmas. Enjoy your mess today and relax!



Matthew 2:10-12

"When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. "

Christmas Eve

Christmas eve is an interesting time for me. The stress of every last minute detail mixed with the realization everything that had been planned for so long is about to come to an end. Better yet, knowing that every decoration that was carefully put in its place will have to be soon taken down and packed away!

Besides the work, it is a time to consider the year and all that God has done in our lives


This picture is of our nativity set. We bought it piece by piece shortly after we were married. It has been through many moves. It isn't perfect. We have a donkey without an ear and a sheep that has had an involuntary leg amputation. I love that, though. It reminds me that God loves for imperfection to come to Him. It is his specialty. I thought I would share an article that I wrote about 8 years ago:

God's Master Plan

It could have come about in the most logical way. It could have been royalty giving birth to a son in the most extravagant surroundings. There could have been wealth untold, fireworks could have lit the sky, and there could have been the grandest celebration with only the most eligible in attendance...

Instead, it took a miracle; that a woman, meek and humble, also a virgin, could carry the son of God in her womb.

It took taxes, a financial distress, to bring Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem.

It took a journey to get there. Such a discomfort it must have been at such a delicate time.

It took a baby, the Son of God, in the smallest bundle, to bring men, Shepards and Wise Men to their knees.

It took a stable, full of animals and smells, to be the first place Jesus would lay His head.

It took just one star, to shine through the black of night to lead the wise men to Jesus.

Time after time, we find ourselves in awe over God's plan and how it differs from even our best ideas. God works in the smallest detail...How Wonderful!

Everything God prepared that night was perfect. Even the smallest detail was exactly the way He had planned.

What looks to us like such a dismal situation was a masterpiece of God's own design. How wonderful to know the Master-Planner is working in our hearts as well.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Anniversary

Today is our Anniversary. Exactly 15 years ago today, we were married in Debary, Florida. It has been an intersting 15 years. There has been good moments, bad moments, tears, laughter, and I think about everything that the wedding vows covered: sickness, health, richer and poorer. We sure did get our money's worth out of our vows! I am thankful for Brent and am so proud and blessed to be his wife through it all.


Ephesians 5:27-29
"He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church."

Perfect Play

I guess that this is Tyler week! Watch this play and you will see Tyler make an amazing flag pull at his Flag football playoff game last weekend. He did such a good job on defense that his coach made him the defensive captain of the team.

It is always nice when someone notices your good moments. So much focus is usually on the negative things that others or ourselves experience. Capturing the perfect play can be the remedy that gets you through the times you forget that you did something right.

2 Samuel 22:32-34

" For who is God except the Lord?

Who but our God is a solid rock?

God is my strong fortress,

and he makes my way perfect.

He makes me as surefooted as a deer,

enabling me to stand on mountain heights."

Brittny

Sometimes I think about our first little foster girl we had in our home. I pray that she is okay as she went back to family and then to another foster home. It reminds me of how many times we can do the right thing and help someone, yet never know how things turn out.

Our selfish minds can say, "Why even do it, if you aren't going to see a result?". God says to do the right things at all times and to do all things for Him. You can't go wrong that way. We each have the ability to be a special moment in someone's life. It might not be glamorous on this earth, but in eternity we will find that we had such a part in God's plan for our own lives and for others.

Matthew 5:16

"In the same way, let your light shine before men,
that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Hurricane

We experienced the wrath of a hurricane a few years ago at our old house. We bunked out and held out until the wind was over. The result was destruction to many homes. We were blessed that we only had minor property damage with downed trees and no power for 5 days.

There are times that you find yourself forced to focus on the bare essentials of life. We are spoiled in our day to day moments. The comfort of so many technologies and convienences are taken for granted. When all is taken away, we find who we really are and what we truly need to survive.

I think how Jesus went up on the mountain. He didn't even have food or water. He took that time to concentrate on what He was to do.

Mark 1:12-14
" The Spirit then compelled Jesus to go into the wilderness, where he was tempted by Satan for forty days. He was out among the wild animals, and angels took care of him."

Beginning Band

Tyler is in beginning band this year. There are over 200 students in the beginning band and only two band instructors. Isn't that amazing? Even more amazing is that these students hadn't even picked up an instrument prior to school starting at the end of August. This is their Christmas concert last week. They really have come a long way. How can two band instructors teach so many children and have them actually sound good together?

How does God see each one of us and how can we grow with so many other Christians needing God at the same time? Do you ever think about that? I do. I can't imagine how I can even be noticed with so many others in God's hands. He is omnipresent. He is everywhere at once. He is Omniscient. He does know everything. How does he do it? He is God....that's how.

Job 34:21-22

“For God watches how people live;

he sees everything they do.

No darkness is thick enough

to hide the wicked from his eyes."

Go Team

Brent's flag football team ended their season last Saturday. This was part of their closing ceremony. They were able to run through the tunnel and onto the football field as a team. Brent did such an awesome job coaching his first team. The boys did so well learning their plays and made a huge improvement from the beginning of the season. It takes a great deal of patience and planning to coach a team. I am so proud of Brent in what he has accomplished.

Colossians 3:12-13

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Baby, It's Cold Outside

It was actually in the 50s today! Dakota wore her hat and gloves to school today, because it was "hat and gloves" day. We really aren't that Floridian! (Although we do act like it is SO cold!) It was nice to feel colder weather. Thanksgiving Day was in the 80s!

Dakota thought it was so neat to wear her hat and gloves. This is purely her own pose that she thought of for the camera. She is such a character. she is defnitely a Tallman in that regards.

Psalm 74:16-18
" The day is yours, and yours also the night;

you established the sun and moon.
It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth;

you made both summer and winter. "

Wonder

I caught the kids under the Christms tree last night looking up at all the lights. Colton has done this every year as long as I can remember. He goes under the tree and lays looking up at all the lights. He loves to do that. I envy that "full of wonder" attitude that he has. I feel that I have become callused to the small, magical things that occur each day. When does the wonder leave? How does becoming an adult lose all that is wonderful. Children have no money or ability to provide for themselves, yet they possess all that we envy. We as adults have money, capabilites to provide for ourselves and we still haven't what we really need.

I pray this Christmas season I take time to wonder and take in all the wonderful moments that exist each day.

Exodus 15:11

"Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ?

Who is like you—

majestic in holiness,

awesome in glory,

working wonders? "

The Train Layout

Colton and I went to the Volusia County Fair a couple of weeks ago to see their HO Train layout. We have been to the fair for at least 5 or 6 years in a row and the highlight for him is their HO layout that is in one of the buildings. We could usually find the building blindfolded, but for some reason that day we could not find it. I have never been so frustrated going to the front of the fair and walking the way it should be and realizing that the building wasn't there. How could an entire building not be where it should be???

Colton and I went back and forth and back and forth and finally walked into a building on the opposite side. There the train layout was behind glass! This was a building I did not remember at all. As we approached the layout, there were photos posted of the building that had previously housed the layout. It had been demolished by the tornado I spoke of early on in my blog in February.

Most of the layout stayed intact, but they had lost a portion that could not be recovered. They were having to start over and rebuild the layout. I was so relieved to know that I wasn't crazy, just misguided in finding a building that did not even exist.

How many times do I try to hold onto something that doesn't even exist anymore? God gives new beginnings every day. Embrace them. Don't go back and try to find something that isn't there anymore. Not only will it make you crazy, but you will miss out on the rebuilding process that only God can direct.

Jeremiah 6:16

" This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls."

The Box

Every day I pass this box on the side of the road. It has been there for at least two months now. It used to be in a perfect box shape, but after rains and time it now is sagged into a triangle. No one will claim this box. One morning I saw a college-age girl trying to get it into her car, but ended up leaving it there because it would not fit. It has been mowed around and walked around, yet no one will move it.

I find this funny. Somehow I am sure I am not the only one to notice or complain about its existence on the side of the road, obstructing an otherwise beautiful view. Yet, no one will actually dispose of it. I can't help but wonder if it will always remain there until it breaks down and is absorbed into the earth.

It makes me think of responsibility. Responsibility is a task that is taken without a command, or begging. Knowing that something should be done and doing it to help others is showing responsibility. God loves responsibility and has given us the Holy Spirit to encourage us to do the right thing.

Romans 12:8
"If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly."

Happy Thanksgiving

From our table to yours, wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

Psalm 69:30

"I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving."

Modern Art

I just finished a course in my college, Survery of 20th Century Modern Art, which I actually enjoyed. I am sure you groaned when you read the title, but it really was interesting to delve into the history of art in our country.

One story I found intersting is of the artist who created the above piece of art in New York City.

His name was Richard Sierra and his piece was called Tilted Arc. He was comissioned to create the public artwork in front of this busy office building. His artwork stood near the entrance of the building and forced pedestrians to walk around the massive structure to get to their destination instead of a traveling a straight shot to the building. His idea was to make people think about the direction their lives were taking by having to walk out of their way. His artwork was not received well and through complaints and petitions it was dismantled and taken to a scrap yard.

It is a sad story for the artist as you can imagine the thought of something he created and believed in so deeply taken to a scrap yard. Deeper yet, it made me think of how we always seek the easy way to do things. When we have to take the time to think about the direction our lives are going, we complain. We would rather remain in the busy cycle without "time-outs" to actually discover what is really going on in our lives. God throws Tilted Arcs in our lives everyday, it is in our best interest to enjoy the walk around them.

Lamentations 3:8-9

" And though I cry and shout,

he has shut out my prayers.

He has blocked my way with a high stone wall;

he has made my road crooked"

Monkey Pajamas

First of all, I never dreamed that I would post a picture of myself on the internet in my pajamas! Brent bought Dakota and I matching pajamas with sock monkeys on them last year and thankfully they fit Dakota one more year. (The benefit of buying large!) She thinks this is the funniest thing that we match. I would love to know what goes on in her head sometimes!

I am jealous of the child-like joy she gets from the simplest things like matching pajamas! I am challenged to find that joy and contentment in my own life. I know that taking the time to recognize those little moments that occur each day is the secret to contentment.

Proverbs 19:22-23

" What a man desires is unfailing love ;

better to be poor than a liar.
The fear of the LORD leads to life:

Then one rests content, untouched by trouble."

Peer Pressure

We had fun this Halloween with the kids and enjoyed handing out candy at our house. Being in a family-friendly neighborhood, we soon found out that everyone sits out on their front porch to hand our candy all night. Dakota and I were chosen for the job and she really enjoyed seeing all of the children coming to our house in their costumes.

Just earlier in the night, I tried to get her to wear her Little Red Riding Hood costume that I had made her. She would have no part of it and cried when I tried to put it on. This soon changed as she saw the other chidren in their costumes. It took about an hour and she asked me to put hers on as well.

Sometimes peer pressure gets us to join in when we don't feel like it. This isn't always a bad thing. I think sometimes we think of peer pressure in a negative light, but it really has its plus side also. Surrounding ourselves with people that will encourage us to do right is a helpful form of peer pressure. Sometimes we just aren't going to feel like doing the right thing, but having others pressuring us to do what is right is the best thing of all.

Romans 12:7-9
"If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.
Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. "

Combustible

Last winter we took a trip to Kentucky. We passed this gas station going home and I had to take a picture. How humorous that a gas station would sell fireworks and gas. No smoking signs were posted BOLDLY on the door. Can you imagine the damage that could be done if even a small fire started at this location?

I think of my own life and how I can get so many things going at one time that could be disastrous with just a small spark of doubt, fear or disobedience. It is always dangerous to cut it close with situations that can get out of control with irrepairable damage.

Deuteronomy 5:32-33
" So be careful to do what the LORD your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left. Walk in all the way that the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess."

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my dad's birthday. This picture was taken last summer when he taught me how to change the oil in my car. I think I passed the test, but somehow Brent hasn't let me change the oil since! :-) Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you!

2:30 am

It is 2:30 am right now and I am doing something that I have put off so long....Online Driving School. Remember my speeding ticket awhile back? I paid the fine and in return stated that I would complete my driving school by the deadline. When is the deadline?..............MONDAY! I hate it when I procrastinate things and then end up with the stress and headache of doing everything at once. I am unsure why I continue in this cycle over these things. Some things I get done right away and others I drag on and on and on.

Just another brutal reminder that things are best done with proper timing. God has proper timing, in fact he has perfect timing. He is never stressed out and prepared for every situation before it even happens. He will never let me down or come up empty handed at the last minute. That is something I am good at it, but not God. I think Paul says it best in what I call his "tongue-twister" prayer:

Romans 7:18-20

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.

For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

For what I do is not the good I want to do;

no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer

I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

Holy Ground

I know that this will sound a little funny, but Brent was able to make his trec to visit the holy ground of Lambeau Field this past August. I know that this stadium isn't actually "Holy", but it is an important symbol to Packer fans everywhere including Brent. Yes, that is a cheese poncho that he is wearing (to Tyler's embarassment!). It is funny what we will do for certain things that are important to us. I think that passion for something as simple as a sports team can carry someone throughout the week! It brings excitement to a dull life to watch an exciting football game.

I want to channel that passion into my everyday life as a Christian. It becomes weary, and I do not strive to go to the Holy Ground at times. I admire that in people that seem to have passion most every day. I grow weary of every day life and need to be energized in my life.

Zechariah 2:11-13

"Many nations will join themselves to the Lord on that day,

and they, too, will be my people.

I will live among you, and you will know that the

Lord of Heaven’s Armies sent me to you.

The land of Judah will be the Lord’s special

possession in the holy land, and he will once again choose

Jerusalem to be his own city.

Be silent before the Lord, all humanity,

for he is springing into action from his holy dwelling.”

Win

What kind of week have you had? Did you come out a winner? When the Cubs win a game they put up this flag. It is testimony to the outcome of their efforts. Everyone knows they are a winner when the flag flies high. I have reflected on my attitude this week and don't feel like I would be worthy to fly a winner flag. Then I realized that if God is in my life I am a winner every day. Because of him I am worthy to be called a winner.

Proverbs 3:3-5

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart.
then you will win favor and a good name

in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;"

Cubs Fans

Brent took Tyler on a sports trip before school started in August this year for his 13th birthday. One of the stops on their journey to manhood trip was to Wrigley Field for a Cubs game. Cubs fans are special. They believe things that are not there and are hopeful for the future at all times! It really is easier to believe that a sports team can make it to the play offs than I can make it through the end of the week. I am always amazed at the ability we have to bond with objects that are fantasy and impersonal over reality and those closest to us!

God loves the reality of us each and every day. I am amazed that he knows every part of me and still wants the best for me even when I mess everything up! I think God must be the all-time Cubs fan. No matter what I do he is there rooting for me to make it to the World Series of my life and when I fail he is there saying, "There is always next season!"

Psalm 73:25-26

" Whom have I in heaven but you?

I desire you more than anything on earth.

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,

but God remains the strength of my heart;

he is mine forever."

No Words

I really have no words today, just some of God's words to share:

Isaiah 51:10-11

" Was it not you who dried up the sea,

the waters of the great deep,

who made a road in the depths of the sea

so that the redeemed might cross over?
The ransomed of the LORD will return.

They will enter Zion with singing;

everlasting joy will crown their heads.

Gladness and joy will overtake them,

and sorrow and sighing will flee away."

Keep Trusting

Sometimes it is hard to keep believing that good will come out of trusting and praying. Then again, maybe I am only trusting and praying when bad things are happening in my life. I have been challenged this week to trust God all the time. Brent has reminded me of this several times this week: Trust God in the good and the bad. It is harder to remember in the good than it is in the bad, isn't it?

Psalm 52:7-9

" Look what happens to mighty warriors who do not trust in God. They trust their wealth instead and grow more and more bold in their wickedness.”
But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God’s unfailing love. I will praise you forever, O God, for what you have done. I will trust in your good name in the presence of your faithful people."

Sing a Song

This is Dakota singing at night with Brent. She loves to sing and loves attention. Just click on play and you can watch her. I love that she loves music so much. I am not sure when she first started dancing, but it had to be before she could walk. Music is so much a part of her life. I am thankful God made music. What a beautiful way to praise God, enjoy life and show our feelings towards others.

1 Chronicles 16:8-10 "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice."

Tallman Family Day

It was exactly a year ago today that Dakota became a Tallman. Hard to believe that time flies by so quickly. We are thankful God allowed us to adopt her! That in itself was a miracle. God chose her to be in our family and we are blessed by that fact.

Ephesians 1:4-6

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves."

Balance

Our lives are all about balance these days. Balancing really is an art. If you think of gymnasts up on the balance beam, you think about the art of balancing. One wrong move and they face the possibility of a broken ankle or even a broken neck. Thankfully, I will not break my neck at home if I don't have supper ready on time, but I am learning that balancing between work, family and other responsibilites takes a lot of planning and a lot of patience. Realizing that I can't get everything done everyday on my "to do list" has been liberating. I try to do everything full-steam ahead and not look back to see what is left in my tracks. I burn out easily because of this and need to learn the slow and steady approach to life.

This summer we had a lot of fun in the pool with a life raft my father brought us on their trip to visit in August. The fun was getting in and out of the raft without flipping out. Even more fun is getting everyone in and figuring a way for everyone to get back out without flipping over. It really did involve balance. I thought about how life is like that also, the more people you add to the boat, the easier it cn tip over. Finding a way to work together and keep the boat balanced is the key.

Psalm 119:108-109
" Lord, accept my offering of praise,
and teach me your regulations.
My life constantly hangs in the balance,
but I will not stop obeying your instructions."

Uncertainty

Uncertainty describes me this weekend. I find myself fearing tomorrow for reasons I cannot explain. I think as I get older, I become more and more uncertain of myself and what I can and cannot accomplish. I get scared that I am doing the wrong thing or am in a place that I should not be at this time in my life. By now I thought I would have everything together and at the very least on my way to maturity! I hate feeling scared of myself and the mistakes that I have yet to make. I know God is the only certainty in life. I just wish I could have a little glimpse of what that must feel like. I am learning to rest in God not only when I am content, but also in the times that I have no idea how things will turn out!

Exodus20:20

" Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning."

Tired

I am so tired right now. Brent is so tired. We just feel like walking zombies and somehow we can't catch up on sleep no matter how early we go to bed. I just long for pure, fulfilling rest. I don't know to get it either. This verse keeps going around in my head over and over:

Matthew 11:28-29

" Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls"

Puzzle Cat

We have a big, fat, lazy cat named Fanta in our family. He sleeps and eats all day and conserves his energy for the times he feels the need to make trouble. This is one of those moments. The boys and I love to do puzzles and last weekend we decided to give a 500 piece puzzle a try. All we did was get up for a moment and this is what we discovered on our return. Fanta always does this. He either sits in the box or lays on top of the pieces so we can't work the puzzle. I have no idea what makes him do this or what enjoyment he gets from this, but whatever the reason it really isn't appreciated at our house.

Every once in awhile I meet someone like Fanta. I am sure you know someone like that also. Someone that waits for the opportunity to make your life miserable, otherwise you wouldn't see them at all. You waited for that special moment to enjoy something and there they appear to make trouble for you and ruin the moment.

As with the puzzle, I am learning that I really do have more control of the situation that I first assessed. Although the cat was a distraction, all I needed to do is just pick the cat up and put him on the floor. Problem solved. People can be handled the same way. I wouldn't suggest picking them up and throwing them on the floor, but a simple reality check that you can walk away from them will suffice. End of problem.

God says that we always have a choice in our actions.

Ecclesiastes 10:1-3
"As dead flies cause even a bottle of perfume to stink,
so a little foolishness spoils great wisdom and honor.

A wise person chooses the right road;
a fool takes the wrong one.

You can identify fools
just by the way they walk down the street!"

The Amen Lady

Church was wonderful last night. The worship time was great, the special music was touching and the message was just what we needed, but.........................there was the "amen" lady. I have seen her before, or should I say I have heard her before. I had already nicknamed here in my own thoughts, but somehow forgotten about her until last night. I call her the ''amen" lady because every time Dr. Hunter says anything, she shouts "AMEN!" I mean shouts! If he says two or three words together she yells it. If it is a really good point it actually goes to a "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, Amen" ! It isn't just a little muttering under her breath, but I am certain the people in the back row of the church could hear her and she was sitting in the second row. It is very distracting while listening to the message and I found myself playing the game of: (when will she say it next?). To top her off, the man in the front row would turn around and GLARE at her every time she said it. I couldn't figure out what was more annoying, him or her.

I questioned myself why it bothered me so much for her to yell Amen over and over and over. The message was still the same whether she said anything or not. One might say that she ruined the message last night, but when I thought about it, she really didn't. I let her get to me and she had the best intentions in sitting there yelling. The message really didn't change at all, it was my attitude that changed.

What a valuable insight for me today as I reflect on my life. So many times I have blamed the outside circumstances when I made the wrong decision. The right thing and truth stay the same, it doesn't matter what anyone says or does, they are constant. God's way is truth and is constant and his message is the same whether we are in a peaceful situation or torment and war with ourselves. I am challenging myself this week to look past distractions and listen with open ears. I am also praying that the Amen lady does the same! :-)

Just a note: The message was about suffering and sovereignty!

Hebrews 2:1

" So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it"

Orange Belt

Wesley is now an orange belt. He has worked so hard and we are proud of his baby steps toward his goal of black belt. I love that Wesley is so motivated to do well in something. It has encouraged me to remember how little goals are so important in the every day of life. I was thinking how great it would be if we recieved belts everytime we conquererd a fear, temper or just a struggle.

Friday's Coming

Friday is tomorrow. I can hardly contain my excitement! I can't wait to go to sleep tomorrow night knowing that I will not have to rise before the sun does. I have taken for granted the ability to sleep in during the summer. I am thankful for so much that I took for granted previously. I guess that's how life is. You don't appreciate what you have until you no longer have it. That is what discontenement really is about. It is the realization that you will only be happy in the situation that you can no longer be in. Sounds confusing, but that is what discontentment is about. It is the confusion and irritation at every single thing that life has to offer and the yearning for the days past and present that can no longer be accessed. I still can't wait for Friday, but I know that there are many Friday's during the week that I haven't stopped to appreciate.

Proverbs 19:23

" The fear of the LORD leads to life:
Then one rests content, untouched by trouble. "

Wood Shed

I was taken out to the wood shed today at work. I mean all-out taken to the wood shed. I am sure I deserved it, it was part ignorance to the situation and part split-second decision. Whatever it was, I took the responsibility and accepted the blame and survived the experience. I know it isn't the last time that will happen. I realize that I am out of my little "Home Cocoon" and into the real world now. I also realize how much it can harden you to be yelled at no matter whose fault it is. I know that is something I will have to watch, I have the tendency to inwardly erect the barriers around my soul when threatened by others.

That's what I like about God. He chastens to make us better. He corrects to make us grow. There is no selfish motive in his "wood shed" moments with us. It really does feel different when I think about it. God works for our good, to make us more like Him. I think I would choose a God moment anyday over even a compliment given with selfish intentions.

I know I am going to make mistakes. I am not going to find comfort or excuse in that, but the realization that I need God.


Job 5:17-18

"Blessed is the man whom God corrects;
so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.

For he wounds, but he also binds up;
he injures, but his hands also heal."

A Light Moment

Taking a break from my soul searching drama, I am going to enjoy a light moment today. I am tired of everything else going on and am learning to enjoy the little joy moments that can be robbed when absorbed in self pity. Brent traded his car in to the dealership yesterday in exchange for two new cars for us. With the gas prices elevated and our drive time extended each day, it made more sense to save money. It is hard to believe you can save that much money by buying something new. I think I get almost double the mpg with my new car compared to the family van.

I couldn't resist getting Tyler to take our picture together yesterday in front of our house when we got home from the dealership. Sometimes you get a quick moment of joy in the midst of struggle. It is like a breath of fresh air working at the dairy farm. You appreciate the sweet smell.

1 Peter 1:8

"You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy."

Just Married

I am learning to find fun in driving over an hour to and from work each day. I enjoy seeing people on their way to work and amazed at all of the things that people accomplish while they are driving. (I actually saw someone completing a word search puzzle while I was stopped at a stop light!)

This morning I was about to exit the interstate when a red SUV caught my eye. Just Married was written on the back window and I enjoyed thinking that someone was enjoying starting their life together. How nice it must be to be on their way to their honeymoon. I wondered if they were going to stay at the beach or where their destination might be. As I exited, I realized that I could see inside of the front of their vehicle. To my surprise two bald men were seated inside, one was black and the other man was white!

We could all try to imagine the story; Are they just carpooling to work in a car someone simply didn't wash? Are they married?? Did someone pull a practical joke? Whatever the story, my first impression was simply blown away when I realized that my first guess was completely wrong. I saw the Just Married written on the car and had already assumed so much. It made me think about the assumptions I make each day. The truth is that we cannot know anything about anything. Only God can know. Appearances are deceiving. Life is too unpredictable. If someone had asked me to guess who was in that car, I would have never guessed two bald men!! I am trying to rest in the fact that figuring out everything beforehand is God's job, not mine.

Psalms 39:6-7

" We are merely moving shadows,
and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.
We heap up wealth,
not knowing who will spend it.
And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
My only hope is in you."

Another Meltdown

How many meltdowns am I allowed in a year? I feel that I have already filled my annual requirements in this department. I realize it is hard to get into a routine all at once and not getting proper sleep for the last few days hasn't benefited me either. I am finding myself struggling to get back into the workforce at full-speed. I knew it would be hard coming back to the office, but I didn't expect to be so overwhelmed by numbers and papers. Of course, once again, I thought I could do it all by myself. Will I ever learn? After crying all the way home from work Tuesday, I realized I hadn't asked God for the help that I needed.

Things look different through God's eyes. Where He sees the compassion of the heart, we see the incompetenece of the person. Where He sees opportunity, we see failure. Where He sees promise, we see failure. Where he sees growth, we see failure. What is the pattern here? I know I focus on the thought of failure, while He is seeing an intricate pattern of growth. Mistakes aren't a failure nor do they make me a failure. They are a learning tool to become stronger and grow in technique.

What is the best way to do something right? Make an unintentional mistake. Mistakes are simply reminders to do it right next time. The consequences rememberd of doing it wrong shout loudly when faced with the same situation again. I am thankful that I am a work in progress.

Ecclesiastes 10:4

" If your boss is angry at you, don’t quit!
A quiet spirit can overcome even great mistakes."

Firsts

Monday was our family's day of firsts. My first day of work, Dakota's first day of daycare, and the boys first day of school. It was the first for us to go to the new building our Church built. It was an exhausting day! We all survived and am sure that we are better for it.

Firsts are very scarry. The aprehension that accompanies a new experience can be crippling to say the least. We are insecure in the not-knowing. Good or bad, we usually would rather be comfortable in what to expect next. Life is uncontrollable. I have had to come to grips with that. If we could script our lives and cast the players that we would like to come in contact with, there would be no adventure and our lives would be quite boring. No one would grow, learn or experience the beautiful gift of surprise! In the end, when the shock of a new experience fades, it is suddenly comforting to go forward in a direction that I wouldn't have planned for myself had I been given the chance. I love that God knows we need a little excitement, a little drama and a little mystery in our lives.


1 Corinthians 2:6-8


"Yet when I am among mature believers, I do speak with words of wisdom, but not the kind of wisdom that belongs to this world or to the rulers of this world, who are soon forgotten. No, the wisdom we speak of is the mystery of God—his plan that was previously hidden, even though he made it for our ultimate glory before the world began. But the rulers of this world have not understood it; if they had, they would not have crucified our glorious Lord."

Nothing New

There really isn't anything new with me these days. I feel like I am stuck in the rut of just being me! I set out to do so many great things and yet lack the energy to do half of them! There are so many things that I don't know how everything can possibly work out, yet I know God knows everything. I must find rest in Him in all things.

Ecclesiastes 1:9-11

"History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. Sometimes people say, “Here is something new!” But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new. We don’t remember what happened in the past, and in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now."

Circle of Prayer

Our family has found ourselves praying a lot lately. With a recent series of events, we have jumpstarted our family into a praying machine! We had an emergency prayer meeting at our home last week to pray for Brent's dad who received some unwelcome news about cancer. We are anxiously awaiting the results of various tests today. It will be a long day waiting.

I hate waiting. I just want to get things over with in the here and now. I hate that the whole "growing" experience that takes patience and long suffering. As I reflected on this during this week I realized that I can't think of anything he created or designed that doesn't take time. We as humans take 9 months to form, 18 years to become an adult (even more for some!), 18 more years to learn how to parent and a lifetime to mature as a Christian. God does things in order and for a reason. I am thankful for that. And so we will wait today for news, and we will try to be patient and most of all continue in our circle of prayer.

Psalm 5:2-3

"Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray.

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation."

The Flush

Just a warning... this could be too graphic for some! I will start this out by saying, I have three boys. We have this rule... No food upstairs in the bedrooms. It is a pretty specific rule including the words NO and FOOD. Somehow this rule has been up for misinterpritation many times and has caused much confusion in our household, and so the can of ravioli enters the picture.

Tyler took a can up to his bedroom one evening. He thought he could get away with it. He had the perfect plan. He would flush the can down the toilet and get rid of the evidence. He started with the pull tab can lid which in turn clogged the toilet. I am unsure what happened to the rest of the can (scarry thought), but his crime was soon discovered when we had to rescue them from a nasty (the graphic part) clog that takes courage and a strong stomach to tackle.

To this day, the toilet gets clogged every time it needs a strong flush. (also graphic) Who gets to go up and tackle this? Me. That lid is still lurking in the pipes causing problems that just won't go away. I have yet the humbleness to call the plumber and explain to him what is down there.

I shake my head at Tyler everytime I think of this story. "What were you thinking," Brent and I have asked many many times. It occured to me today after tackling another clog that I have done this so many times in my own life. I know God probably has asked me many many times, "What were you thinking?". Sometimes we make mistakes with little consequence and other times the clog of consequences will come up time and time again and make a mess. God is still there and he helps us clean up the mess everytime. That is love. There is no doubt in my mind that God loves us. He has patience and wants us to learn from our mistakes. Some mistakes will be there to haunt us, but when they do God will be there to help us through the mess.

Micah 7:18-19

" Where is another God like you,
who pardons the guilt of the remnant,
overlooking the sins of his special people?
You will not stay angry with your people forever,
because you delight in showing unfailing love.
Once again you will have compassion on us.
You will trample our sins under your feet
and throw them into the depths of the ocean!"

Doubt

It is hard to see clearly when doubt hangs overhead. I am best friends with doubt, and it really isn't a good thing. Seems like when something good comes my way, I immediately question that I am worthy of it. If something good comes my way, I doubt that it will last or that it is for real. I doubt that I have the ability to make it through the day, and somehow each day I do. God is teaching me that doubt ruins a perfectly good view. Apprehension can be healthy, but doubt robs the best intentions. God is working on me in this area, it is a process that leads to freedom. I thank God that He hasn't given up on me and continues on when I don't feel like I can.

Psalm 94:18-19

"I cried out, “I am slipping!”
but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me.
When doubts filled my mind,
your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer."

Chaos

Our life is in chaos right now. Not that it is a bad thing. I have found that everytime I find myself in this situation, something BIG happens. Something I would not have been able to handle on its own. God knows that I need the distractions of a million different things so that nothing seems so big that it cannot be handled. I realized today that chaos can be a gift from God. I love Christmas morning, it so quiet in the early mornings and then a few hours later.......CHAOS! Paper everywhere, toys, clothes, you name it all around the room. But it is a good chaos, there is no other way to do Christmas. I am trying to find joy and comfort in the chaos, it won't always be there. For that I am thankful.

Psalm 46:5-7

"God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed.
From the very break of day, God will protect it.
The nations are in chaos,
and their kingdoms crumble!
God’s voice thunders,
and the earth melts!
The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel is our fortress."

Ignorance

Brent and I traveled to Canada a few weeks ago. It really is beautiful. I am amazed at the open country and undeveloped areas. Coming from Florida, it is so nice to see land with nothing on it. One thing I didn't realize is that I would need math skills to navigate my way through this country. Everything is in meters and kilometers.

We kept joking that we got to our destination so quickly because of the 90mph speed limit. Of course we really did do the math and conviently the speedometer had km/h on it! But, isn't it nice to be ignorant? I was thinking yesterday how nice it is to tell someone, "I'm sorry, I had no idea. No one told me that was what I was supposed to do." It is so nice not having the responsibility or understanding of the right thing to do, isn't it?

The Christian walk is all about responsibility. It doesn't come all at once, but little by little. Looking back, I can see how much more I am responsible for now than when I first became a believer. We raise children that way. Just as we wouldn't ask our 2 year old to prepare a meal, it might be a reaonable chore for a 14 year old. God places new challenges on us that we are ready for, when we are ready for it. That's maturity. While ignorance might be bliss, it doesn't account for maturity. It doesn't bring growth and it isn't God's way to deal with things.

1 Corinthians 13:10-12

"But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child.
But when I grew up, I put away childish things.

Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see
everything with perfect clarity.

All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything
completely, just as God now knows me completely."

Viewpoint

I love this picture. Brent took it while we were driving in Canada recently. We were winding down a country road and the view was spectacular. The horse serenely standing before the majestic mountain (which you can't see in the picture)definitely screamed "Kodak moment". I told Brent to quickly take the picture as we rolled down the road. It wasn't until I got home that I saw the picture. As you notice, the horse doesn't have his head! It still is a beautiful picture, isn't it? Or does the headless horse distract you from the beauty?

God's beauty is all around us. His grace is all around us. We stand in the most beautfiul scenery, yet get distracted by something as silly as a headless horse. He really is amazing and majestic. That will not change...ever. Our viewpoint will change, we will get distracted (and rightfully so), but He will be there.

Psalm 90:16-17

"Let thy work appear unto thy servants, and thy glory unto their children.

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it."

Good News

Where were you when you received word last of good news? I will have to admit, I can't come up with any examples in my own life. Where were you when you received word last of bad news. I know exactly where I was! I can tell you what I was doing, eating, thinking and wearing. Why? I have asked myself this week why I disregard so much good in my life and focus on so much bad. Why do I strive to live in discomfort and throw away the good in my life to do so?

I once read an article that stated the top ten good moments in life that go unnoticed. One of the top moments was "the moment that your headache goes away". It is kind of funny that we can go along with a throbbing headache and then when it stops we don't even realize that it is gone.

I am challenged this week to bathe in the good moments, the good news and the good in my life. I don't want to disregard or even ignore the good that happens each day. I want to be able to break into the hallelujah chorus the minute my headache goes away! I want to notice the good news. I want to be able to tell you where I was, what I was doing, what I was wearing and what I was thinking when it happend. God is good!


1 Chronicles 16:23-24

" Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!
Each day proclaim the good news that he saves.
Publish his glorious deeds among the nations.
Tell everyone about the amazing things he does."

Prayer Meter

Ever have an unanswered prayer.....I mean after praying your heart out, bleeding with sincerity and trusting in God to do a miracle and then it goes unanswered? Is it really unanswered or do we refuse to understand the outcome? I used to think that God had a prayer meter up in heaven and every request was put through it. The more prayers for that request the higher the meter went and finally if it went to the top, the prayer request would be answered. If you had someone like a pastor or even Billy Graham pray for that request, the meter would rise with lightning speed.

I realized that there really isn't a way to control anything that God does, there aren't any "inside" tricks to prayer. Prayer is prayer, it is talking to God. It is bring requests, minor or major, and leaving them to God. There is no meter and there aren't any special people with special praying powers. God hears every believer.

We recently were praying for the healing of a friend who was in the coma. Our prayers were that he would be healed. He passed away soon after. I couldn't understand why God would allow him to pass away after so many people were praying for his healing. Later I realized that he really was healed. He is now in heaven and in perfect form with God. God did answer our prayer, it just appeared to be unanswered because of our way of thinking. I am so glad that God knows more than any of us could imagine. I am thankful for prayer and the realization that there really aren't any unanswered prayers.

Psalm 17:5-7

"My steps have held to your paths;
my feet have not slipped.

I call on you, O God, for you will answer me;
give ear to me and hear my prayer."

Reflections

We visited the Vietnam memorial on our visit to Washington D.C. It is simple in structure and design, but absolutely a beautiful tribute to those that gave their lives for freedom. It is black, yet you can see your reflection from any angle when looking at the names. It isn't an accident in the design, but intentional that we should see ourselves when we see those that gave their lives. We are the reason that those soldiers went to war, our country and its citizens meant that much to them. Seeing the reflection of ourselves should remind us that we are bought with a price, just as Christ gave himself for us. We are the reflection that was worth giving his life for.

1 Corinthians 6:20

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

Home at Last

We are finally home from our vacation. We drove 16 straight hours to get home. We didn't want to stop, just wanted our own beds to sleep in. We went camping over the last 4 days and stayed in a cabin without a kitchen or bathroom. It is nice to be able to use the bathroom in the middle of the night without finding shoes, flashlight and the way to get there. This experience reminded me how nice it will be to finally get home in heaven. I get tired living here sometimes, I long for the day that I can be with God in his house of comfort and peace. It is amazing how homesick you can be for a place that you have never been. We keep going, pushing forward, enjoying our time on this earth and when God sees fit, we get to join Him and finally be home.

Hebrews 13:15

"For this world is not our permanent home;
we are looking forward to a home yet to come."

Leave your Mark

We are currently on vacation in West Virginia. Camping with the boys, we have visited a civil war National Park nearby and have enjoyed jumping into history for the moment. Harpers Ferry has a downtown area with the original buildings and a railroad bridge. In our adventure we hiked underneath the bridge and enjoyed a cool break in the heat. As I sat there, I noticed one of the columns that supported the bridge. It is covered in graffiti, scratched into the cement; some people scratched the message, declaring their love for someone or others just leaving their name and date they were there. Everyone wanted to leave their mark. We all have that desire, to leave our mark for others to come behind. Observing history, those who spoke loudest with either their voices or actions, are remembered. Those who silently and quietly went through life are forgotten. What kind of mark will you leave for others to find?

Proverbs 20:5-7
"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters,
but a man of understanding draws them out.

Many a man claims to have unfailing love,
but a faithful man who can find?

The righteous man leads a blameless life;
blessed are his children after him."

"F"

Ever seen that grade before? I have... twice in one month. I currently am in a Statistics and Research class. It doesn't sound like math, does it? It is math and hard math. It is trying to use a part of my brain that is covered in cobwebs. I think that part of my brain needs a new battery because I can't seem to jumpstart it. Of course I take it personally..because it is my grade and a reflection of my performance. Last night I completed my last assignment in my class and right now my textbook is sitting in a black garbage bag on the curb outside waiting for that big green truck to take it away. It felt so good to throw that book away. I was so upset that I just had to sleep on it hoping the morning would bring enlightenment. Last night I just wanted to give up and quit everything. I hate not being able to understand everything. I hate that there are some things that no matter how hard I try, that I might never understand. It makes me realize how God is like that. We can never comprehend Him fully. He is wise, he is complex and knows abundantly more than our little brains can compute. Its okay to be a failure a something. It's okay to not know-it-all. That's God's job. He is the best at that.

Job 21:22
"Can anyone teach knowledge to God,
since he judges even the highest?"

Blue Lights

I got a speeding ticket yesterday. It was my first speeding ticket. I was preoccupied with my thoughts, late for a job interview, and a little eager to get there at lightning speed. The state trooper was in a great place, and there was no slowing down fast enough to fly under the radar gun. It was quite a big ticket, and I was in Brent's car fumbling to find registration, insurance and license. I feel bad..... I didn't pay attention, I hurried, and I got caught going too fast. Sometimes things find a way to confront you with a smack in the face. When the blue lights appear in your rear mirror there is nothing you can do but pull over and face the music. There is no choice or option, unless a high speed chase is your idea of fun. God does that sometimes, doesn't he? How many times have I gotten away with something and then BANG! I am confronted in my face with a situation that has to be dealt with in the moment. There is no later, but now.

Job 5:17-18
" But consider the joy of those corrected by God!
Do not despise the discipline of the Almighty when you sin.
For though he wounds, he also bandages.
He strikes, but his hands also heal."

Prayer

Today is a day of prayer. There are so many things that are going on right now in our lives and lives of friends and family. Crisis evokes prayer that should have been there without the crisis. I am constantly shamed that I find myself in deep prayer only when it seems the only option left. I pray today that I find that constant conversation with God that needs no crisis.

Thessalonians 5:16-18
" Rejoice evermore.
Pray without ceasing.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God
in Christ Jesus concerning you."

Pride

Dakota is so proud of her dad. Brent is her hero and the only one that does things right in her eyes. This weekend she helped Brent organize the garage and here they are basking in their accomplishment. It is a great feeling when someone is proud of you, when their joy is just sitting next to you or being in the same room with you. Children are God's gift in that way. Just when everything you do as a parent is wrong, it takes a little one looking at you with that "proud" look to bring you to a place of encouragement. I have learned to hold onto those moments, they only last for such a short time. Pride is a self-centered feeling, it has no room for others in its moment. It is very temporary and impossible to feel consistantly. When we become obsessed with making others proud of us, common sense and God fall in the background. In pride there is room for no one else. It is a gift to be enjoyed as a moment needed, a boost of energy for the soul, but to crave it daily will leave one empty and frustrated.
Psalm 131:1-3
" Lord, my heart is not proud;
my eyes are not haughty.
I don’t concern myself with matters too great
or too awesome for me to grasp.
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord—
now and always."

Meltdown

Every had a meltdown? I felt that way this weekend. Sometimes the silliest things can make you come undone and then you find yourself in tears over something that isn't life-changing. I think we all have a stress meter that fills and fills until one little thing puts it over the edge and then we meltdown and release the stress and start all over again. That is how I operate. I am glad that God gives us release from stress. I am glad that sometimes it is okay to come undone and realize that we really need God. He doesn't get stressed out and we cannot put Him over the edge. He is constant and calm when we are not.

Psalms 6:6-9
" I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer. "

Three little girls

What an adorable picture. They are darling, they are sweet and they spent the weekend at our house. Dakota is always here of course, but we decided to give some friends a break and watch their girls overnight this past weekend. They are 4,3 and 1 years old and I decided that I am VERY old! They are so active and full of curiosity. To my amazement though, Dakota suddenly seemed to be the one I wasn't worried about as much getting into trouble because now a little 1 year old (very mobile one year old!) was getting into things I couldn't even predict. Isn't it amazing how viewpoints can change? Just the week before I thought that Dakota was getting into everything and feeling sorry for myself because she exhausts me in doing so. Well...today I can say that I feel quite rested and thankful to only be chasing one little one around. My viewpoint has changed because I was introduced to a situation that was more extreme than my current one. Sometimes we need wake-up calls to keep us thankful. Sometimes we need wake-up calls to appreciate others and keep them in our prayers. Sympathy tries to understand best it can but Empathy knows exactly how someone feels. There is a big difference. That is why Christ came to earth. He knows, he was there, and He was us for a short time and still continued to loved us and gave Himself for us. I had fun this weekend and found a new apprecation for all those mothers of little ones. I forget so easily that I had been there myself years before. I thank God for reminders and for a wake-up call to make me realize that I have been blessed.
Phillipians 2:5-7 (TNIV)
" In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had:

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something
to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness. "